So as you all know I'm single. YEP! SINGLE!! lol. I will admit some days it gets to me because of course I would love to have a husband a few more kids. But at times I seem to be at a stand still. Its not like I HAVE to be in a relationship. I've been single for over a year. That's mainly because I was holding on to someone I thought would be my LAST. I guess I held out hope that he would continue to be the man I grew to love. At the end of the day, the timing was just never right. Such is life. While I'm in the process of letting my heart heal from that, I do have an open mind to let someone else in. Yet...I haven't been dating. Some people think I'm waiting for my ex and some people say I'm too busy looking on the outside or comparing or not giving anyone a fair chance. I have set my standard for relationships and the men who have come into my life haven't met that standard. So it brings me to my question: Am I being Picky or Patient....?!?
Being a single mother to a little girl doesn't make it easy to get out and date. I know that I have to be selective because even if I like the guy so many questions go through my head. "Will he be good to her?" "Will he treat her the way shes supposed to be treated?" "Can I trust him with her?" "If it got serious and we had other kids, would she get treated as the step-child?" These are questions and well fears that I have. I know I have to protect her because at the end of the day no matter what or who comes our way, its me and her. I never want her to feel like I let her down or wasn't there for her. I never want her to feel like I put my needs and wants before hers. We are a team! And she makes me want to only give her the very best that she deserves. I'm not trying to find someone to take on the "daddy" role because she has a GREAT father in her life. Him and I may not always agree on things but at the end of the day I know I have the support I need. I can't ever say he wasn't there for her. (Me, now that's another story and whole other post!! lol)
I admit I do put her life before mine. I mean isn't that what us mothers are supposed to do? But friends keep telling me to live a little and get other there and have fun, meet guys, go on dates. Because I cant bury myself so much into my daughter that I forget about myself. Now I have to agree with that. I feel like I can be the most AWESOME soccer mom and still make time for fun. Its just so hard because a part of me has gotten so used to it being us that I wonder if I want someone else in my life right now. Patient or Picky?!? I think I push guys away or don't get interested because I don't want to deal with the whole "dating" process. I mean after being married and then being in a long term relationship, the thought of starting from scratch SUCKS! I know its all a part of this game called life but seriously?!? If I only had to worry about my happiness then of course it would be fun to be like I'm 18 again. But every night when I tuck that little person in, I realize I'm not 18 anymore and I'm responsible for another persons life.
My mom told me to be patient and when Hes ready, God will bring that person into my life. I just need to focus on my own happiness and making sure I am ready to accept him once he comes. I have to agree with that. I do have moments where I feel like its never gonna come to me. I know I will make a good wife and I'm already a good mother (in my eyes) so all that's missing is a husband. I know I'm not going to settle for less than I'm worth nor am I going to rush it or go looking for it. When its my time an awesome person will come into our lives and make me happier that I already am. I have my standards and by no means to have a husband will I lower those standards. I REFUSE to settle. Having been married before I know that I what I can bring to the table. I just hope the person that comes into my life appreciates me and respects me and loves me and my daughter. Until that time come I will continue living my awesome life and being thankful for everyone in it. Who knows, when I look up, he may be standing right there and I want to make sure my heart, mind, and soul is ready to welcome him with open arms! So no....I'm not picky! I'm just being patient!!! =) *BeSoS*
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