Cheerleading and National Champions!!!

AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! Im still UBER stoked about Natalies squad winning the 2012 Cheer Power Nationals!! They worked very hard and totally deserved it! I couldnt be more proud of her.

When she first started cheer about a month ago, I was so ready for the season to be over. Its ridiculously expensive and it takes up a lot of time. Theres a competition at least one a month from December until April. Its a bit overwhelming. Her first competiton was in January and it was in Dallas. I cant even begin to explain how expensive that trip was. Hotel, gas, food, spectators fees for both days as well as parking. To say it broke the bank is an understatement. I can see how people would have to work like 5 jobs and sell kids on the side to pay for cheer. LOL. Anyway, Dallas was a BIG disappoinment. I learned there are politics in cheer. (Go ahead and laugh. I sure did when I first heard that) There were favorites and they totally did us wrong. So much so that the girls coach had the organization remove our squad and our ranking from their website and we wont cheer at their events any longer. The girls placed 4th and were extremely discouraged. All I could think about was how much I could have saved had we not gone.  After all was said and done, I gave Nat a pep talk and told her she did her best, how proud I was, and that there would be other competitons and other chances to win first place.

And boy did they redeem themselves. =) I have neever been more excited and proud of Natalie. They came, they ROCKED it, they won and left with lettermen jackets on their backs!!!! They did soooooo good!! And the fact that they really came together as a sqad and encouraged eachother put the icing on the cake. Natalie gained 7 sisters. So even though cheer is stupid expensive and its time consuming.... I would do it over and over again just to see the smile on Natalies face. She truly enjoys cheer and she loves the girls on her squad.

Hey....I'm living with a NATIONAL CHAMPION!!!! Look out world...Nats on the move!!! =)

Divorce and Daddies

The D word. When I got married I never thought I would have to say "I'm divorced." Even 4 years later, it still doesnt sound right. Do I regret getting divorced? NOT AT ALL!! Lol. But there are some days where I see how it effects Natalie. She knows she never has to "choose" between her parents, but at times she does. In a perfect world she would have both her mommy and her daddy in the same house under the same roof. I mean for 3 1/2 years she did. Then suddenly that was take away from her. While she understands why her father and I arent together anymore, it still sucks for ANY child to have to go through that. Summers at daddys, every other Christmas with mommy, can I have her for Spring Break, do I get her for her birthday... Its never ending. Even if we have an agreement there always seems to be some sort of disagreement. We both think we know whats best for Natalie and while we both have her best interest at heart, sometimes we are both VERY selfish. How do you share the love for your child? Who am I to say she needs to live with me full time? Who is he to say she needs to live with him full time? Its an on-going battle that I wish could end but when you love someone with every breath in your body, its hard to make that choice.

Then comes the money issue. Its funny how when you are married theres never a question about what it takes to provide for your child. As soon as those papers are signed, things change.. DRAMATICALLY!! Now its a matter of how you spend the money. What men fail to realize is me paying my light bill is providing for your child. Paying my rent is keeping a roof over your childs head. Buying groceries is keeping your child fed. THAT is what child support is about. But I, on the other hand, actually use the money for Natalie. I keep her active and involved in things. It makes me happy when she gets excited about cheer practice or happy about picking out a leotard for gymnastics. Keeping her active lets her know that she is still a normal kid. She just has two homes. At the end of teh day its not about the money. I just want my child to be happy. Seeing her smile makes my heart smile. And lets me know Im doing at least one thing right. Which is why I hate the fighting and the arguments. Especially over money. Your child is your responsibility no matter how much either of your lives change. If I were to marry a millionaire or a crackhead... your responsibility doesnt change even if my source of income does. Even if your familiy gets bigger, that has nothing to do with your child that came before that. They are still your responsibility. I wish I could express that without all the yelling and arguing and bad words. Its just frusturating when you are trying to take care of your child and a couple of dollars prevents that from happening. Which brings me to....

The SACRIFICE..... *sigh* Im not one of those single moms that cries and cries about how hard it is. Or that needs someone to pat me on the back and tell me how great of a job Im doing. Its somethign that has to be done whether other people see me or not. I wake up everyday knowing that whether I yell, cry, kick or scream, I still have another life that Im responsible for. Some people really dont understand how hard it is. There are some days where I sit and think about how Im going to pay what bill and still make sure Nat has what she needs. Or stress out about how Im going to buy groceries and still allow Nat to be involved in her activities. Or take her to Mc Donalds to get her a happy meal and she asks why Im not eating. I say "Mommys not hungry" when the reality is I spent my last $5 on her. Its not easy. And to do all of this and not ask for help. There are days where I just sit there and cry but as soon as Nat walks in the room, I perk up and smile because I dont need her to worry. I want her to have the best possible life. Shes my reason for getting up everyday and for not giving up. Just because her dad and I didnt work out doesnt mean her life has to be different. Or that she has to be affected by the things that are my responsibility. I just have to try my hardest to better myself to be able to better her life. I want to go to school and get my degree. I want her to see that even though I had to start all over, its possible. You dont have to stay in a situation that makes you unhappy, just to be taken care of financially. Or stay with a man because of his "benefits." To me... being happy is better then any benefits the military could provide. So even if I have to go without, thats a sacrifice I dont think twice about making because my love for my daughter runs that deep. Shes the reason I breathe, the reason I live and the reason I give my all in everything I do. Shes so worth every sacrifice I make. Hand down! =)

So while divorce sucks and it isnt easy, she does have a GREAT father, and Im so very thankful for him being a part of her life. He could have waked away once I left but he didnt. And I am forever grateful for that. Even with all the fighting, I know behind every argument theres the love 2 people have for their daughter. And while I hope this ride gets a little smoother, I wouldnt change anything. Everything happens for a reason. And I love to hate that man. LOL just kidding. I have learned that hes going to make me mad about 98% of the time but as long as he treats my baby like a princess, I will keep the bad thoughts and death threats in my head. (sometimes lol) Im sure tomorrow I will be yelling at him about something he says or does and then the next day we will be laughing about something cute Natalie did or me telling him to have a father/daughter talk with her. Its not going to be easy but we are gonna be alright. Its all a part of divorce and doing whats best for your child. Because at the end of everyday... her being happy is so worth ever tear, every struggle, every argument and every sacrifice.