People come into our lives for many different reasons. Over the past 29 years I have learned from EVERY single person and relationship. Ive learned when to love, how to love, when to give, how to give, when to give up, when to let go, and how to recognize my worth.
Second chances..... I used to believe in them. But there is a reason why that person is your ex. Sometimes we don't realize how bad that person is for us and/or to us. You get so caught up with "love" that you turn a blind eye to the red flags and the issues. Nine times out of ten, if it didn't work the first time, it surely isn't going to work out the second time.
We have all dated the one that can do no wrong even if they do it doesn't matter because they make you so happy and you cant imagine your life without them. *insert sarcastic tone* When in reality this person doesn't appreciate you but they tend to focus on the positive aspects of your relationship so you cant see the negative. You find yourself saying "We have the BEST time together. OMG they are perfect. We are like best friends" They have become your security blanket. They are the person that is always there for you even though they aren't THERE for you. They can show you 5 minutes of attention and that is always going to be enough for you because they find a way to make you believe that was the best 5 minutes of your life and without them you will NEVER find that type of happiness again. WRONG! If they cant be there for you on your good days and bad days, it doesn't matter how happy they make you in those couple of minutes. You deserve that time and attention and happiness ALL THE TIME! Point...blank....PERIOD!
Ive always struggled with dating an ex, I mean... clearly it wasn't popping the first time so why go through the torment again? Yes, people can change but maybe they changed to be with someone else, or maybe yalls relationship was a lesson for the both of you. It taught you things about yourself or taught you things that you no longer need to tolerate. It may have even made you a better, stronger person. But be that better person for someone that appreciates it. Take what you learned and gained from the relationship and use it to make your next one that much better!
Now there is an exception to giving an ex another chance. I know, I know its shocking after everything I just said. In some cases the relationship is GREAT! OUT-freakin-STANDING! But one of you is going through something. And while you love that person with all that you have, you just cant seem to find a way to let them in. Now I know the first thought is "well if y'all love each other and everything is good, why cant they talk to you about what they are going through?" Good question. But there is this thing called patience and understanding and sometimes those things are easier to say then to do. If your mate is going through something and you know that besides this one thing all is well in your relationship but maybe you realized this AFTER y'all broke up, give em another chance. Now if they are a paid assassin or they like to rob banks, I would say let them stay an ex. LOL Just sayin... I'm not trying to bail anyone out nor be an accessory to any crimes.
So I say all of this to say know your worth and understand that while breakups suck, they happen for a reason. Yes you are going to go through the grieving period. You are going to feel like life wont go on without them. Your life will never be the same. They were the best thing that happened to you. Blah Blah Blaaaaaah! Hurting is part of healing, but when they do the "Baby baby please come back" think about the reasons behind the break up. Hold your head up high and move on. There is always someone better, more loving, more caring and more appreciative. If you find yourself crying more than smiling, yelling more than laughing, fighting more than loving.... let it go and don't go back. So if you are sitting there reading this, thinking about getting back with that person.... hopefully this helped you realize your worth and the fact that they are your ex for a reason. *EXHALE*
Sunday, June 10, 2012
Let's Try This AGAIN!
Ok so I started this blog almost 2 years ago and said that I was going to keep up with it. CLEARLY, I haven't been doing that. So I m going to try this yet again. There are many days that I say "oooh oooh I'm gonna blog about that" and then I don't. I really don't have an excuse to say I'm too busy because Natalie is gone for the summer. I think that I'm going to blog about some of everything this go around. Other peoples experiences and issues as well as mine. It seems other peoples lives are far more interesting than mine these days. Of course I wont use any names to protect the identities of those that have inspired my entries. LOL As well as blogging, I have totally said that I'm going to to try to write one of many books that I have ideas for. As I typed that last sentence, I laughed extremely loud because I want to do a million things, and when I'm motivated it all sounds good, but I know me and I know that while it sounds good at this VERY moment....check up on me in a week. LOL
But for real... I am really excited to start this again and I promise it will be very Melanie-ish. Which in normal people terms means it will be funny, weird, random, and REAL! Ladies & Gentlemen.....start your engines!
But for real... I am really excited to start this again and I promise it will be very Melanie-ish. Which in normal people terms means it will be funny, weird, random, and REAL! Ladies & Gentlemen.....start your engines!
Sunday, February 19, 2012
Cheerleading and National Champions!!!
AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! Im still UBER stoked about Natalies squad winning the 2012 Cheer Power Nationals!! They worked very hard and totally deserved it! I couldnt be more proud of her.
Hey....I'm living with a NATIONAL CHAMPION!!!! Look out world...Nats on the move!!! =)
When she first started cheer about a month ago, I was so ready for the season to be over. Its ridiculously expensive and it takes up a lot of time. Theres a competition at least one a month from December until April. Its a bit overwhelming. Her first competiton was in January and it was in Dallas. I cant even begin to explain how expensive that trip was. Hotel, gas, food, spectators fees for both days as well as parking. To say it broke the bank is an understatement. I can see how people would have to work like 5 jobs and sell kids on the side to pay for cheer. LOL. Anyway, Dallas was a BIG disappoinment. I learned there are politics in cheer. (Go ahead and laugh. I sure did when I first heard that) There were favorites and they totally did us wrong. So much so that the girls coach had the organization remove our squad and our ranking from their website and we wont cheer at their events any longer. The girls placed 4th and were extremely discouraged. All I could think about was how much I could have saved had we not gone. After all was said and done, I gave Nat a pep talk and told her she did her best, how proud I was, and that there would be other competitons and other chances to win first place.
And boy did they redeem themselves. =) I have neever been more excited and proud of Natalie. They came, they ROCKED it, they won and left with lettermen jackets on their backs!!!! They did soooooo good!! And the fact that they really came together as a sqad and encouraged eachother put the icing on the cake. Natalie gained 7 sisters. So even though cheer is stupid expensive and its time consuming.... I would do it over and over again just to see the smile on Natalies face. She truly enjoys cheer and she loves the girls on her squad.
Hey....I'm living with a NATIONAL CHAMPION!!!! Look out world...Nats on the move!!! =)
Wednesday, February 15, 2012
Divorce and Daddies
The D word. When I got married I never thought I would have to say "I'm divorced." Even 4 years later, it still doesnt sound right. Do I regret getting divorced? NOT AT ALL!! Lol. But there are some days where I see how it effects Natalie. She knows she never has to "choose" between her parents, but at times she does. In a perfect world she would have both her mommy and her daddy in the same house under the same roof. I mean for 3 1/2 years she did. Then suddenly that was take away from her. While she understands why her father and I arent together anymore, it still sucks for ANY child to have to go through that. Summers at daddys, every other Christmas with mommy, can I have her for Spring Break, do I get her for her birthday... Its never ending. Even if we have an agreement there always seems to be some sort of disagreement. We both think we know whats best for Natalie and while we both have her best interest at heart, sometimes we are both VERY selfish. How do you share the love for your child? Who am I to say she needs to live with me full time? Who is he to say she needs to live with him full time? Its an on-going battle that I wish could end but when you love someone with every breath in your body, its hard to make that choice.
Then comes the money issue. Its funny how when you are married theres never a question about what it takes to provide for your child. As soon as those papers are signed, things change.. DRAMATICALLY!! Now its a matter of how you spend the money. What men fail to realize is me paying my light bill is providing for your child. Paying my rent is keeping a roof over your childs head. Buying groceries is keeping your child fed. THAT is what child support is about. But I, on the other hand, actually use the money for Natalie. I keep her active and involved in things. It makes me happy when she gets excited about cheer practice or happy about picking out a leotard for gymnastics. Keeping her active lets her know that she is still a normal kid. She just has two homes. At the end of teh day its not about the money. I just want my child to be happy. Seeing her smile makes my heart smile. And lets me know Im doing at least one thing right. Which is why I hate the fighting and the arguments. Especially over money. Your child is your responsibility no matter how much either of your lives change. If I were to marry a millionaire or a crackhead... your responsibility doesnt change even if my source of income does. Even if your familiy gets bigger, that has nothing to do with your child that came before that. They are still your responsibility. I wish I could express that without all the yelling and arguing and bad words. Its just frusturating when you are trying to take care of your child and a couple of dollars prevents that from happening. Which brings me to....
The SACRIFICE..... *sigh* Im not one of those single moms that cries and cries about how hard it is. Or that needs someone to pat me on the back and tell me how great of a job Im doing. Its somethign that has to be done whether other people see me or not. I wake up everyday knowing that whether I yell, cry, kick or scream, I still have another life that Im responsible for. Some people really dont understand how hard it is. There are some days where I sit and think about how Im going to pay what bill and still make sure Nat has what she needs. Or stress out about how Im going to buy groceries and still allow Nat to be involved in her activities. Or take her to Mc Donalds to get her a happy meal and she asks why Im not eating. I say "Mommys not hungry" when the reality is I spent my last $5 on her. Its not easy. And to do all of this and not ask for help. There are days where I just sit there and cry but as soon as Nat walks in the room, I perk up and smile because I dont need her to worry. I want her to have the best possible life. Shes my reason for getting up everyday and for not giving up. Just because her dad and I didnt work out doesnt mean her life has to be different. Or that she has to be affected by the things that are my responsibility. I just have to try my hardest to better myself to be able to better her life. I want to go to school and get my degree. I want her to see that even though I had to start all over, its possible. You dont have to stay in a situation that makes you unhappy, just to be taken care of financially. Or stay with a man because of his "benefits." To me... being happy is better then any benefits the military could provide. So even if I have to go without, thats a sacrifice I dont think twice about making because my love for my daughter runs that deep. Shes the reason I breathe, the reason I live and the reason I give my all in everything I do. Shes so worth every sacrifice I make. Hand down! =)
So while divorce sucks and it isnt easy, she does have a GREAT father, and Im so very thankful for him being a part of her life. He could have waked away once I left but he didnt. And I am forever grateful for that. Even with all the fighting, I know behind every argument theres the love 2 people have for their daughter. And while I hope this ride gets a little smoother, I wouldnt change anything. Everything happens for a reason. And I love to hate that man. LOL just kidding. I have learned that hes going to make me mad about 98% of the time but as long as he treats my baby like a princess, I will keep the bad thoughts and death threats in my head. (sometimes lol) Im sure tomorrow I will be yelling at him about something he says or does and then the next day we will be laughing about something cute Natalie did or me telling him to have a father/daughter talk with her. Its not going to be easy but we are gonna be alright. Its all a part of divorce and doing whats best for your child. Because at the end of everyday... her being happy is so worth ever tear, every struggle, every argument and every sacrifice.
Then comes the money issue. Its funny how when you are married theres never a question about what it takes to provide for your child. As soon as those papers are signed, things change.. DRAMATICALLY!! Now its a matter of how you spend the money. What men fail to realize is me paying my light bill is providing for your child. Paying my rent is keeping a roof over your childs head. Buying groceries is keeping your child fed. THAT is what child support is about. But I, on the other hand, actually use the money for Natalie. I keep her active and involved in things. It makes me happy when she gets excited about cheer practice or happy about picking out a leotard for gymnastics. Keeping her active lets her know that she is still a normal kid. She just has two homes. At the end of teh day its not about the money. I just want my child to be happy. Seeing her smile makes my heart smile. And lets me know Im doing at least one thing right. Which is why I hate the fighting and the arguments. Especially over money. Your child is your responsibility no matter how much either of your lives change. If I were to marry a millionaire or a crackhead... your responsibility doesnt change even if my source of income does. Even if your familiy gets bigger, that has nothing to do with your child that came before that. They are still your responsibility. I wish I could express that without all the yelling and arguing and bad words. Its just frusturating when you are trying to take care of your child and a couple of dollars prevents that from happening. Which brings me to....
The SACRIFICE..... *sigh* Im not one of those single moms that cries and cries about how hard it is. Or that needs someone to pat me on the back and tell me how great of a job Im doing. Its somethign that has to be done whether other people see me or not. I wake up everyday knowing that whether I yell, cry, kick or scream, I still have another life that Im responsible for. Some people really dont understand how hard it is. There are some days where I sit and think about how Im going to pay what bill and still make sure Nat has what she needs. Or stress out about how Im going to buy groceries and still allow Nat to be involved in her activities. Or take her to Mc Donalds to get her a happy meal and she asks why Im not eating. I say "Mommys not hungry" when the reality is I spent my last $5 on her. Its not easy. And to do all of this and not ask for help. There are days where I just sit there and cry but as soon as Nat walks in the room, I perk up and smile because I dont need her to worry. I want her to have the best possible life. Shes my reason for getting up everyday and for not giving up. Just because her dad and I didnt work out doesnt mean her life has to be different. Or that she has to be affected by the things that are my responsibility. I just have to try my hardest to better myself to be able to better her life. I want to go to school and get my degree. I want her to see that even though I had to start all over, its possible. You dont have to stay in a situation that makes you unhappy, just to be taken care of financially. Or stay with a man because of his "benefits." To me... being happy is better then any benefits the military could provide. So even if I have to go without, thats a sacrifice I dont think twice about making because my love for my daughter runs that deep. Shes the reason I breathe, the reason I live and the reason I give my all in everything I do. Shes so worth every sacrifice I make. Hand down! =)
So while divorce sucks and it isnt easy, she does have a GREAT father, and Im so very thankful for him being a part of her life. He could have waked away once I left but he didnt. And I am forever grateful for that. Even with all the fighting, I know behind every argument theres the love 2 people have for their daughter. And while I hope this ride gets a little smoother, I wouldnt change anything. Everything happens for a reason. And I love to hate that man. LOL just kidding. I have learned that hes going to make me mad about 98% of the time but as long as he treats my baby like a princess, I will keep the bad thoughts and death threats in my head. (sometimes lol) Im sure tomorrow I will be yelling at him about something he says or does and then the next day we will be laughing about something cute Natalie did or me telling him to have a father/daughter talk with her. Its not going to be easy but we are gonna be alright. Its all a part of divorce and doing whats best for your child. Because at the end of everyday... her being happy is so worth ever tear, every struggle, every argument and every sacrifice.
Thursday, June 16, 2011
Picky or Patient....?!?
So as you all know I'm single. YEP! SINGLE!! lol. I will admit some days it gets to me because of course I would love to have a husband a few more kids. But at times I seem to be at a stand still. Its not like I HAVE to be in a relationship. I've been single for over a year. That's mainly because I was holding on to someone I thought would be my LAST. I guess I held out hope that he would continue to be the man I grew to love. At the end of the day, the timing was just never right. Such is life. While I'm in the process of letting my heart heal from that, I do have an open mind to let someone else in. Yet...I haven't been dating. Some people think I'm waiting for my ex and some people say I'm too busy looking on the outside or comparing or not giving anyone a fair chance. I have set my standard for relationships and the men who have come into my life haven't met that standard. So it brings me to my question: Am I being Picky or Patient....?!?
Being a single mother to a little girl doesn't make it easy to get out and date. I know that I have to be selective because even if I like the guy so many questions go through my head. "Will he be good to her?" "Will he treat her the way shes supposed to be treated?" "Can I trust him with her?" "If it got serious and we had other kids, would she get treated as the step-child?" These are questions and well fears that I have. I know I have to protect her because at the end of the day no matter what or who comes our way, its me and her. I never want her to feel like I let her down or wasn't there for her. I never want her to feel like I put my needs and wants before hers. We are a team! And she makes me want to only give her the very best that she deserves. I'm not trying to find someone to take on the "daddy" role because she has a GREAT father in her life. Him and I may not always agree on things but at the end of the day I know I have the support I need. I can't ever say he wasn't there for her. (Me, now that's another story and whole other post!! lol)
I admit I do put her life before mine. I mean isn't that what us mothers are supposed to do? But friends keep telling me to live a little and get other there and have fun, meet guys, go on dates. Because I cant bury myself so much into my daughter that I forget about myself. Now I have to agree with that. I feel like I can be the most AWESOME soccer mom and still make time for fun. Its just so hard because a part of me has gotten so used to it being us that I wonder if I want someone else in my life right now. Patient or Picky?!? I think I push guys away or don't get interested because I don't want to deal with the whole "dating" process. I mean after being married and then being in a long term relationship, the thought of starting from scratch SUCKS! I know its all a part of this game called life but seriously?!? If I only had to worry about my happiness then of course it would be fun to be like I'm 18 again. But every night when I tuck that little person in, I realize I'm not 18 anymore and I'm responsible for another persons life.
My mom told me to be patient and when Hes ready, God will bring that person into my life. I just need to focus on my own happiness and making sure I am ready to accept him once he comes. I have to agree with that. I do have moments where I feel like its never gonna come to me. I know I will make a good wife and I'm already a good mother (in my eyes) so all that's missing is a husband. I know I'm not going to settle for less than I'm worth nor am I going to rush it or go looking for it. When its my time an awesome person will come into our lives and make me happier that I already am. I have my standards and by no means to have a husband will I lower those standards. I REFUSE to settle. Having been married before I know that I what I can bring to the table. I just hope the person that comes into my life appreciates me and respects me and loves me and my daughter. Until that time come I will continue living my awesome life and being thankful for everyone in it. Who knows, when I look up, he may be standing right there and I want to make sure my heart, mind, and soul is ready to welcome him with open arms! So no....I'm not picky! I'm just being patient!!! =) *BeSoS*
Being a single mother to a little girl doesn't make it easy to get out and date. I know that I have to be selective because even if I like the guy so many questions go through my head. "Will he be good to her?" "Will he treat her the way shes supposed to be treated?" "Can I trust him with her?" "If it got serious and we had other kids, would she get treated as the step-child?" These are questions and well fears that I have. I know I have to protect her because at the end of the day no matter what or who comes our way, its me and her. I never want her to feel like I let her down or wasn't there for her. I never want her to feel like I put my needs and wants before hers. We are a team! And she makes me want to only give her the very best that she deserves. I'm not trying to find someone to take on the "daddy" role because she has a GREAT father in her life. Him and I may not always agree on things but at the end of the day I know I have the support I need. I can't ever say he wasn't there for her. (Me, now that's another story and whole other post!! lol)
I admit I do put her life before mine. I mean isn't that what us mothers are supposed to do? But friends keep telling me to live a little and get other there and have fun, meet guys, go on dates. Because I cant bury myself so much into my daughter that I forget about myself. Now I have to agree with that. I feel like I can be the most AWESOME soccer mom and still make time for fun. Its just so hard because a part of me has gotten so used to it being us that I wonder if I want someone else in my life right now. Patient or Picky?!? I think I push guys away or don't get interested because I don't want to deal with the whole "dating" process. I mean after being married and then being in a long term relationship, the thought of starting from scratch SUCKS! I know its all a part of this game called life but seriously?!? If I only had to worry about my happiness then of course it would be fun to be like I'm 18 again. But every night when I tuck that little person in, I realize I'm not 18 anymore and I'm responsible for another persons life.
My mom told me to be patient and when Hes ready, God will bring that person into my life. I just need to focus on my own happiness and making sure I am ready to accept him once he comes. I have to agree with that. I do have moments where I feel like its never gonna come to me. I know I will make a good wife and I'm already a good mother (in my eyes) so all that's missing is a husband. I know I'm not going to settle for less than I'm worth nor am I going to rush it or go looking for it. When its my time an awesome person will come into our lives and make me happier that I already am. I have my standards and by no means to have a husband will I lower those standards. I REFUSE to settle. Having been married before I know that I what I can bring to the table. I just hope the person that comes into my life appreciates me and respects me and loves me and my daughter. Until that time come I will continue living my awesome life and being thankful for everyone in it. Who knows, when I look up, he may be standing right there and I want to make sure my heart, mind, and soul is ready to welcome him with open arms! So no....I'm not picky! I'm just being patient!!! =) *BeSoS*
Wednesday, June 15, 2011
Welcome Welcome Welcome!!! I have finally decided to stop procrastinating and sit down and start this thing called a blog. My main objective is to put my thoughts into words and be able one to look back and see what Ive experienced and how far I have come. And so that my friends can experience this crazy thing called life with me.
As you know I'm a single mother. Never did I EVER think I would have to say that. There are days where I just sit back and hope I'm doing right by my daughter. Its a very hard and trying journey. I know she relies on me and looks up to me. Even when I don't think shes looking. Scary thing. I just hope every decision I make is for the betterment of OUR lives. As a mother, let alone a SINGLE mother, this is something that weighs heavily on our hearts and minds. Children tend to rely a lot on their mothers for comfort, strength, wisdom, support, and most importantly LOVE. I just pray I give all of these to Natalie.
My main goal as of late is going to school to become an RN. Ive always struggled with what career path to take because I want to make sure it just isn't a "job" for me. I love people. Helping people, being there for people and being someone who can make a DIFFERENCE. You cant put a price on that. *although nurses get paid really well. lol* So then came the thought of what type of nurse I would want to be. I know my belly cant handle blood n guts. Broken bones, trees limbs through the eyeball...you catch my drift. lol So I decided on OB/GYN. Yep...BABIES!!!!! Going through the 3 trimesters with a family and then the delivery a baby is a miracle. And I know that's where my heart has lead me. Now its just the journey to get there. I know there will be many long nights and hard times and discouraging moments but I have faith in myself and my drive to be able to provide the best possible life for me and my daughter. So that's is MAJOR part of my story.
So friends, I hope you follow me through the laughs, the tears, the disappointments, the blessings, the hard times, the good times, and all that comes in between. This is my story....in my MY words!!!! *BeSoS*
As you know I'm a single mother. Never did I EVER think I would have to say that. There are days where I just sit back and hope I'm doing right by my daughter. Its a very hard and trying journey. I know she relies on me and looks up to me. Even when I don't think shes looking. Scary thing. I just hope every decision I make is for the betterment of OUR lives. As a mother, let alone a SINGLE mother, this is something that weighs heavily on our hearts and minds. Children tend to rely a lot on their mothers for comfort, strength, wisdom, support, and most importantly LOVE. I just pray I give all of these to Natalie.
My main goal as of late is going to school to become an RN. Ive always struggled with what career path to take because I want to make sure it just isn't a "job" for me. I love people. Helping people, being there for people and being someone who can make a DIFFERENCE. You cant put a price on that. *although nurses get paid really well. lol* So then came the thought of what type of nurse I would want to be. I know my belly cant handle blood n guts. Broken bones, trees limbs through the eyeball...you catch my drift. lol So I decided on OB/GYN. Yep...BABIES!!!!! Going through the 3 trimesters with a family and then the delivery a baby is a miracle. And I know that's where my heart has lead me. Now its just the journey to get there. I know there will be many long nights and hard times and discouraging moments but I have faith in myself and my drive to be able to provide the best possible life for me and my daughter. So that's is MAJOR part of my story.
So friends, I hope you follow me through the laughs, the tears, the disappointments, the blessings, the hard times, the good times, and all that comes in between. This is my story....in my MY words!!!! *BeSoS*
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